FrystorkadPapaya

I tid och otid har jag försökt komma på vem jag är och det går inte så bra faktiskt. Jag har hittat vissa delar av mig själv och en av dom delarna är att jag tycker om att resa och jag gillar verkligen Scotland. Men sen då? Jo jag har fallit för Dr. Cox i Scrubs – han är så het. (Haha) Kanske inte på det direkta fysiska planet men han är verkligen het. (jag fick seasong 2 i julklapp) Men sen har jag ingenting. Musik och film och framför allt böcker, vad skulle jag göra utan mina älskade böcker?

Jag vill ha en kille för jag vill verkligen ha SEX!!! Men jag vill ha kärlek också. Men jag orkar inte leta heller efter någon och försöka låta honom komma till mig. Sen blir det inte lättare av att jag kollar på när J.D och Elliot (eller Elliot och Paulie) har myspys och sex, inge kul. Jag har svårt att hitta inre styrka till att kunna vara mig själv och känna mig själv, jag orkar inte. Mina tankar och funderingar tar upp alldeles för mycket tid. Min ande värld är inte rätt än, jag har varit så otroligt stressad att jag bara har stängt av allting. Jag vill ha en kille som älskar mig för den jag är samt inte är rädd för att skaffa barn och bilda familj och skaffa allt som jag vill ha.

Jag har en stressad period framför mig, på söndag ska jag åka till Scotland igen och tack och lov så kör pappa mig till Arlanda. Sen när jag har landat i London få flyger jag till Glasgow sen tar jag en taxi till Pitlochry för det går ingenting annat, det kommer att kosta mig en del men det är de värt för jag vill verkligen inte komma den 28 på eftermiddagen utan jag vill komma den 27:e på kvällen, för då hinner jag handla också. (och/eller äta ute) mamma tycker inte att jag ska ta en taxi men de e egentligen mitt enda förslag för jag vill inte komma dan efter och jag vill inte sova någon annan stans än i min säng. Ska faktiskt bli kul och skönt att jobba lite till, kan kanske hända att jag stannar kvar sen och kör en seasong till, men de blir nog kanske från mars fram till november om jag inte får ett jobb i Sverige. Eller så kanske jag börjar jobba och sen om jag har tur så kanske jag kan jobba i Sverige efter ett tag, eller nått.. ?? Jag vet inte.. Allt är all messed up! Och det värsta nu är att jag börjar bli sjuk, börjar få ont i halsen hmm.. suck..


Nu när jag skriver detta är klockan nästan 03, fortfarande kollande på Scrubs. Strax dags att lägga mig, måste upp i morgon och packa och se resten av Scrubs och läsa klart min bok och ev. börja på en ny bok. Förhoppningsvis prata med min kusin från Stockholm.

Jag känner mig så otroligt tom.

Bad Romance ~ Lady Gaga

I’m back now, back to normal, back to Sweden and my family. But I don’t know if it’s normal, I have no idea whats normal anymore. I know that I really like Pitlochry and that I really am looking forward to go back and to spend some more time there, but there is some things I would like to change and things I wish I could say no to and spend some time with me and just enjoy the surroundings. But I’ll see what’s happening, there is still time left.

I had a quite a good time on my way back home, the train journey was just f*****ng booooring but in the end I talked to a very nice lady and she helped me down in London. It took me a while to find the right train to Terminal 5 through the right line. So many trains… I’m soo happy I’m not living in London. I would like to see London IF I had a good guide and a good place to stay. Well after an eternity I finally arrived at the airport and I took a taxi to my hotel and I have to say that after been working on a 4 star Bed and Breakfast you soon notice a lot when you arrive at other hotels and Bed and Breakfasts. But I have to say that the bed was one of the best beds I ever slept in, but I didn’t like the bathroom, to small and there were only ONE soap, no shower gel or anything like that. I think I’m spoiled and have lived in luxury but 1 soap?? The food was okay and the drink was good. I was soo tired and I fell asleep and slept about 12 hours. I didn’t sleep that much, the nights before.

On Friday I went out to see a DJ friend live and I was supposed to go with a work friend but she never came, because she had fallen asleep on her couch. But 2 of her friends came and kept me company for a while and then it was just one of the friends left. Had quite a good time but my DJ friend didn’t star until 11 o’clock and for me that was late because I needed to go up in the morning the following day. But I did stay and talked to him. He is really nice. I miss him actually. That was the night I tried Jack Daniels and coke and I really liked it and is now one of my favorite drinks. (Still on top is Cosmopolitan) Then on Saturday I went out again because I wanted to see my DJ friend but he didn’t work and I didn’t know that. I met a young guy I talked to, he was nice but he was only 21 and just waaaay out of any league – especially mine, NO WAY JOSÈ… we talked though about travels and stuff. But then I went home and just slept. Sunday – my last working day. No strange feelings just a normal day. Didn’t do much during the day but on the evening I went over to my friends house and we talked and then we called for our DJ friend to come over because I wanted to say bye bye.. He followed me to my door, which I think is really sweet of him. (Wonder if I’ll see him when I’m back??) I do hope soo.

There are things that have happened that I would like to write about but there is something inside me that says no and have to listen to that voice.

On Monday I left, my boss drove me to the train station and I’m really glad for that. The train left Pitlochry at 9:23 and I arrived in London Kings Cross at 15:50 and then around 18 at my hotel. It was a long and boring day. Had some dinner at the hotel and then a double Jack D & coke before I went to bed. Talked to a friend before I fell asleep. Tuesday came quicker than I expected, went down to have some breakfast (not that good) then I went up again and snoozed for about an hour and a half before I had to check out at 12 o’clock. Took the bus back to the airport and bought 2 books, did start reading one of them. Then when the time was right I checked in my big blue bag and then checked myself in. Took a while but I had a lot of time. Walked around, bought some stuff and then I had some lunch at Wagamama restaurant and ordered some spicy noodles and a coke. A really good place and I really recommend it. Then I just sat and waited for my plane.  It took time but I didn’t mind really. Then finally my flight was in and I could enter it. It didn’t take that long, read my book so the time went by and soon enough I landed on Arlanda airport. It was the best landing ever.

Took my suitcase and took the bus in to City Terminalen  in Stockholm city. My friend called me first when I was just outside the airport just to see where I was because he’s the guy I stayed with before I went home. Then I called my mum to say I have arrived in Sweden and that I was safe. After that I called my dad and talked a while with him.  My friend met me at the bus stop and we took the train home. So my journey from Pitlochry to Stockholm took me 2 days and then + 4 days in Stockholm with my friend. I visited my grandmother as well, I didn’t wanna leave her but I can always come back – and I will!! My grandmother is 86 so I would like to spend some more time with her, as long as it’s possible.

During my time in Stockholm I just had junk food but I don’t care really.. And my friend showed me The English Shop, I had nooooooo idea they had an English Shop in there, I was really happy. We went to the movies and saw New Moon (again, hehe). Had the biggest pizza ever and then a 200g of a hamburger (not at the same time or day!!!, pizza was on Wednesday and the burger was on Friday). Then on Saturday the 5^th I went home to mum and dad and they were having a party for my aunt and her husband and I came as a surprise kind of. They were really happy to see me again. Then after that day I haven’t really done anything really. Been with the family but mostly trying to sort out all my things I had with me and it was a lot. I haven’t fixed everything jet but I don’t have any room for it so I just letting it be. I have visiting some friends and I have some more to visit. I have been shopping Christmas presents with my youngest brother in Borlänge.  Looking forward to Christmas, too eat good food, presents, chocolate, family and drinks. I do love Christmas!

I have now booked a flight from London Heathrow T1 to Edinburgh on the 27^th of December. I did book my flight to London but not from London and up to Scotland (idiot!!) but now I have so the only thing I need now is a train ticket from Edinburgh to Pitlochry but that’s the smallest thing right now. And then I need to book a ticket from Glasgow back to Sweden. And I need to figure out how I’m coming down and back again to Brighton.. This is really ***************** something.. Couldn’t find any words for it.. But I really like to go down to Brighton to visit my friends and to see another part of England. Maybe I’ll go over to Ireland or maybe save that to when I have find myself a husband.. hehe.. My head is just spinning around.. jeeze..

We have soo much snow now, it’s about 20cm of it and it keeps falling down.. It’s now fun to drive in it but other than that I really don’t mind. I’ll try to get a picture of it later..

Haha I’ll write more another time.. Maybe after I have arrived back from Portugal.. hehe Now I am going to search for Portugal to see what kind of weather they have and stuff like that.

Chao!