Telephone
First I saw The Haunting in Conneticut - it was based on a true story - which I have already seen and that I remembered in the end of the movie. Anyway it was sad because everywhere I looked I saw couples and friends and I had non of those things, and the film was a bit scary. Then I went out and bought another ticket and went back in again and now I saw Lesbian Vampire Killers. A comedy, because the whole audience was laughing. It was funny, weird but funny and it had swedish actresses in it to.. (I heard)..
Then when I came home I watch TV untill I was to tired to see. I saw a bit of Monster's Ball with Hellie Berry and Billy Bob Thornton. Strange movie, really strange. Then I slept alot.
And today I have read my book and watch TV. I didn't feel like going out today even though I could. And there where some other people here today, a couple and their two children. But I just said hello and then I went back to my room and continued reading.
I have talked to my grandmother today and she was really happy that I called. And I really really miss her. Then I talked to Rosa because I wanted to talk to Tomas but he wasen't there, he was at his new job he got last week. Grattis!! I'm so happy for him. And l got his mobile number so l called him. He was surprised to hear from me but he was really really happy. He misses me! I miss him like crazy! He have work for atleast 6 month and I do hope that he will be there longer but 6 month is soooo much better then non. I have been thinking of him for a very long time and especielly when we went to Sigtuna and everything we did and didn't do there. I want to go back there with him.
I want to come home for my birthday - a weeks holiday. And when I'm home I'm going to see Tomas and I hope that he can come and visit me this time. Because now when he has a job he gets money and I hope that he can save some for later. I would like to go to Norrtelje too. If and when I go home for a holiday I'm going to bring home a lot of things that I have bought here. My bag was a bit hevy when I went here and if I should take everything at the same time it would be tooooo much. So a piece at a time.
Lollo!!! You take care of your self! I miss you and l'm thinking of you - a lot!! I'm sending you a brev. Massa massa miljoner triljoner varma kramar om dig!!
All a want now is to find a friend to make my days brighter. Right now I'm feeling low and upset. I don't have anyone to hug and to talk to, about everything and nothing. And the ones who knows me know how much TLC I need in my life to function, and now I tell you that that TLC is almost gone. And for those who don't know what TLC stands for l'm going to tell you, TLC = Tender Loving Care.
And l have also been out on ams.se to see if there are something intresting and to update Min Sida. But l didn't look to close. Det enda som e roligt just nu e Writersgroup och bio. Men de blir nog bra snart - hoppas jag. I'm going to search for a real pub that serves Whiskey and red wine, because I really really want to go out and take a few glasses of red wine and then later some strange Whiskey, just because. Maybe in St.Andrews.. Gonna ask Anna after the holiday.
Now I have some letters to write and to finish. And I need to buy a camera to take pictures so I can show everyone at home. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow l start at 8 o'clock, but l'm going up earlier because I need to shower. I have a headache.
The week have been messy, but hopefully it will be okej now. The college was a joke and l'm still sick. Suck....
Night Night
I still love you!
My writersgroup homework
When Elizabeth hears the song Jolene by Dolly Parton she remembers a very special memory that she enjoyed quite well. It's a strange one but it means a lot to her. It will be something that she always will be searching for, for the rest of her life, a state of mind.
It all started a few years ago when Elizabeth was an active member of the local church. She was always away on different camps and church activities, sometimes she went because she had to, and other times she went because she wanted to. This was one of those times she really wanted to go. The group she was in were about to spend the weekend in an old house in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the woods. The group Elizabeth was in was a mixed one with some of her old friends and then there were some new ones that she didn't meet before. On these kinds of camps they had all kinds of things planed, playing different games - both inside and out, cooking, baking, talking, singing and meditation. But the most important thing was to get to know each other, which Elizabeth had no problems with because she is a very active person and she talked to everyone and helps as soon anyone needs a helping hand. All Friday they played games to make sure that everyone gets to know each other and to make sure that everyone is heard which is very important in the church society. And the games continued on Saturday until lunchtime.
Elizabeth is that kind of person that do believe in the supernatural and she knew that the house they were staying in is haunted by someone or some ones, because there are more than just one. And by some reason Elizabeth can't sleep when she's in the house, she can't say why, she just can't.
The thing Elizabeth remembers the most, is what happened on the Saturday afternoon. Everyone in the group was put into smaller groups of 3-4 and they where delegated a special assignment and Elizabeth's group were in charge of bread baking. Before they were about to begin she went upstairs to get a friend that were in the same group as her. But before they went down Elizabeth started to talk with her friend Mary about anything else then bread making. As Elizabeth was standing up she felt a flow in her body of tiredness and she needed to sit down. For some reason there was a mattress on the floor with a pillow so Elizabeth lay down with the pillow under her arms and head. Just after that she falls asleep. But not the kind you think, it's like a coma kind of sleep. Her entire body was asleep but her mind was working as usually.
And she could hear everything, she could hear the people outside, the wind, the people downstairs and she could hear the music someone forget to turn off. Luckily it was Dolly Parton, one of her favorite artists. Elizabeth woke her arm up to move the CD player closer to her and then she put Jolene on repeat and then she went back to her coma sleep.
After a few hours Elizabeth heard one of the guys asking where she was but no one knew. Laying there under a few blankets someone had put on her, (that she didn't remember that anyone had done) she was prepared for anything but she didn't wanted to wake up from this strange lovely sleep. It was like her body and her brain was disconnected, even if Elizabeth wanted to wake up, her body didn't. It felt like she was floating on water, but in the air over her own body. A perfect state of mind and a perfect way to meditate.
When the guy who had asked after her, found Elizabeth he was a bit naughty, because he turns the volume up so high that the people downstairs told him to turn it down. But because Elizabeth was prepared so she didn't move a muscle and that scared him so much he went down to get her old boyfriend to see if he could wake Elizabeth up. When she heard that she panic and tried to go deeper into herself then she ever had. When the guys returned almost everyone came along to see if he could wake Elizabeth up or if they should call 911.
Meanwhile Elizabeth felt warm and sweaty accept for her feet, they were ice cold, for non explainable reason. When Elizabeth's old boyfriend came up and he tried to take her pulse on her wrists but that didn't work because she had her arms so close and to tight to her body, so he tried to take it on her throat. That hurt so much that Elizabeth had to turn around even though she didn't want to. He talked to her all the time to get some response from her but Elizabeth didn't talk back because the only thing she wanted to do was to fall back into the strange lovely sleep she now was about to wake up from. After a while she came around and opened her eyes to stair right into his concerned and worried eyes. A few seconds later the only thing she could hear and see in his eyes were relief but she felt exhausted.
It was a special moment and after that day she tries to find that perfect state of mind again. The balance of being a sleep and at the same time be as awake you can in your mind. It's a strange memory but it gave her hope for the future, a hope that she one day can balance her life.
The thing Elizabeth enjoyed so much was the thought that there actually is a person out there that cares for her. But the one thing she enjoyed the most was the feeling to be free, not connected to anything just being balanced and free.
Watchmen
What a crapy movie! I'm sooo disapointed l thought that it was supposed to be better but it was not and I don't approve. =( I accually didn't understand the movie at all, the only good thing about this night was that l sat next to a guy that smelled lovely and he was a goodlooking guy to. But that's it. Otherwise the night was a waste of time. l think that l'm going tomorrow to see another movie but l'm not sure. We'll wait and see..
Books and movies are like drugs to me, if you put me in a bookstore or a videostore than it's about 99.9% chance that l would have bought something. But l can go through a clothingstore without any problems. Strange, but for me compleatly normal.
Today have been a very lazy day - just watching movies and taking the goat in and feed the cat. Tomorrow l'm gonna read my book. And l'm gonna ask Laura if she can write the note to the school. I got in to the Forth Valley College and l'm starting on monday at 9:30. =) My english test went very well and l have to say that it was quite easy, all l had to do was to write for and against childrens access to computors. I hope that l will meet some new friends. I have found something that l want to study but I can't find the first level just 5-6 and 8. (SPA terapeut typ) But I even found a spanish corse that l want to go to but l don't know, let see in the future.
This week has been a very calm week. But l didn't like thursday because their old au-pair came and cleand the house - that was good - but l still don't like it. lt made me feel uncomfortable but thankfully I was the one that should pick Isabella up so I could leave the house. It's nothing wrong with the other au-pair but she still makes me feel uncomfortable, hopefully that will change.
I'm going to have a coffee with Kirsty next week and hopefully she will help me with my writing because I'm stuck. Don't know what l should write or write about. Allthough l'm looking forward to the next writersgroup meeting. =)
aja, back to my story..
Najt najt
SJUUUUUUK!!!!!! =(
Today it have been a grey day with rain and wind. But l don't mind. I went for a walk today to, not a long one but still. l'm feeling lazy but now l have a reason to take it slow. Tomorrow l'm gonna ironing and hoovering and watch a movie. I'm borrowing the familys DVD player into my room because noone is using it under the week. Today l have seen the Increadables and soon l'm gonna watch Cars. I'm soo tired. The chikens woke me up and then Lauras alarm and then mine but l wasen't sleeping hard because of my flu. =( But hopefuly l will sleep some tonight.
No l'm gonna make me some tea and a sandwich and then off to bed!
I also heard that 2 of my friends have got babies and I wish them good luck. The babies were both girls (Miriam and Ronya). And the mothers are both my age. I want a baby but first l want a man that want to have kids.
Hope l'll get to see some picuters of the babies.
Sleep tight .... Night Night ....
Babysitting
I know it's been a while but l have been uccupied. I have been doing a lot of things like usually and always the same things, like laundry and washing.
I was babysitting for a nother family this friday nigh and l know the mother and l have meet the kids in school and so, so l knew who they were and that they have seen me. l was quite nervous but it all went well. All l needed to do was to keep the oldest ones company untill they went off to sleep, around 8 o'clock. The yngest was allready asleep. The family has 4 kids between 3-10 years old. I watched DVD, 27 Dresses (with Izzi Stevens from Grey's Anatomy). It was a nice movie and it made me wanna go to a wedding. But l don't know anybody who's getting merried. Then l started to watch Horton but l didn't finished because the parents came home. I played with their dog for a while before l put him in his own room. And the sad part is that l have lost my ring - my absolutly favorite one, l've been having that one for 5 years now and l really hope and pray that someone will find it. I love that ring.
On saturday (when l'm free, usually) l went to first Alloa and then to Tillicoultry for a book meeting I promised Kirsty to go to. There is a guy who is always talking and l have heard alot about him and l wanned to see and here him. He talked about his book that he finally published - The Boston Slasher by Alastair Rosie. I liked the group and I might even joy them later on. They are having a meeting this tuesday but I can't come because l'm gonna do my english test at the same time and right now my english test is more important. I have started again to write a story but it goes slow, because l don't really know if l'm gonna write in swdish or english. If l'm writing in swedish then all l have to do is to translate it and that will be fine and l think maybe it will go much faster, but l'm not sure. The man who was the one who held the meeting (Tom), he was a very nice man and funny, though he looked like my Qi Gong teatcher - around the eyes. And Kirsty hade another friend that came along and his name is Kevin a very nice man that don't read books but when hi's retired maybe he will read some books. After I took Kirsty to lunch and then l took here home. l had a very good time with here and l felt like l could tell her everything and she don't think that l'm weird. =)
I think that l might babysit her kids again because they liked me! I have meet her husband and he's nice.
Yesterday we had a plumber here and he was only 19. A bit young for me but he was really nice, hope l'll see him again - he said we will and l dooo hope so. He could be one ticket to meeting new people and go get a bigger net of friends. He lives in Perth not so far away from here. =) Don't know his name though but Laura does. He have been a plumber for 4 years and it's not a favorite .
I was supposed to go to the VUE today and se a movie but I was laying in my bed and read instead and then when l accually had desided to go Laura asked me if I could babysit and l said sure no problems. Dinner, bath, play, music, talks, night night and mom and dad came home. And l asked Isabella if she liked me and she did. =) jippi... =)
Now I'm gonne see Dirty Sexy Money. I hope that it is the new ones.
Then l'm gonna read my book. Tomorrow l'm taking the kids to school.
See ya later!
Puss och kram
He's not that into you...
Anyway, I might go to the movies next weekend to, it's like one of the things I can do without doing anything. And I have some time alone and only with my self - and I know I have allready said this but it's true!. I don't have to care for anyone except me.
Because I now live outside the village I don't meet people - except the mail man, hurray! he's nice though - I need to do other things as well. I can't stay in here and just do nothing because then I will get mad and the rest of the family will through me out to do something. hehe.
I went to college on tuesday, it wasen't that good because we didn't have any teacher and the other girls in "my" class just spoke german and I do NOT speak german. They where nice but I don't know. Then on wednesday I went to another college and they told me I have to take a test so they can see which group I should be in and that test is not this week but the week after. And it's on a tuesday between 16-18, in Forth Valley College in Stirling. I hope this one will be better then the other one.
I want to go to St.Andrews again and sooooon because it was very nice to be with my friend and to meet her roomies. And I would like to go to the magic shop to see what else I can spend my money on - that I should NOT spend my money on. It was very nice to have someone to talk to, it dosen't matter if it was swedish or english - just to have someone to talk to, and some one to laugh with. I really miss that. Yeh I can talk with Laura and soo but I haven't known her for soo long, but hopefully we will come there.
The other night we had their first au-pair to dinner and she did talked to me. She was nice, but she did almost always talked to Laura about old stuff that I don't know anything about even though Laura told me. I felt left out. And sometimes l still do feel left out but l think it's just because l haven't landed in the family quite yet. But it's just been 3 weeks, l'm suppose to be here at least a year. (Hopefully)
I really do miss Tomas, l really do. I sent him a letter but l don't think he is gonna reply but you can always hope he will. I hope from the bottom of my heart that he will answer but l have doubts that he will.
Actually l didn't thought that l was gonna miss him this much. Anyway l don't know what he will do, just wait and see.
I have also sent a few people some emails but I have not get any answers back from them - that's not nice. I need answers, just a Hi, I'm fine, is allright for me. But noo.
I hava a confession, l have/had/have feelings for Marcus and l really like him. He is one of the best friends you can have and l miss him from the bottom of my heart. l feel like l can tell him (almost) everything, he actually knows stuff that my other friends don't know. l would like him to come and visit me here and l think that he would if he hade enough time and money, - but l'm not aloud to have boys in the house because of the children - which l totally understand - but to visit anyway.
l'm very confused and have been for a really long time and l have been twisted inside and out about my feelings for sooo many people and l can't come to an end. They have to make the dicision for me. All l know and all l want is a husband, a house, babies, a job, a car and most of all LOVE!!! Not a twisted kind of relationship, l need to have it simple and easy, l don't say that everything is gonna be easy but l just need a man that l can be me with and that we can go through everything toghether. l'm totally messed up and l don't give up and l don't know why?!... ???... help!
Otherwise, this week have been a house cleaning week and laundery week. Not a specially good week. My sleep is not good, don't know why but l sleep badly. Now a days a have headaches and l'm feeling very tired and irritated about nothing and everything. And l have the hickups all the time and it's really anoying.
Bought a new book the other day, crazy me spending money on a book. But if l'm going to have a library l need to have books, so why not start collecting now? I wish the weekend was longer so l could have some more time alone. Today l was in my room all day except when l took a shower and made breakfast otherwise l just layed in my bead watching TV and writing a letter for my mum and when l went for the movie. Tomorrow l will be in bed all day and all night, maybe take a walk to do something else. "She's the man" with Amanda Bynes, is on tomorrow night on FIVE. That's a funny movie, l like her. And l'm gonna continue on my letter to my mum. Oh, l've got cards from my grandmothers! jippi!!! =)
Night night from a confused girl in a beautiful country....
