a beginning on a story, not happy with it but Ill be later on
The first time I saw him was in a bar with his wife. I had no idea at first that they were married. I know his wife because I had worked with her and we got along very well together. So this night me and my friends decided to go out for a drink at the local pub, but stopped by our former working place first just to say hi to the others. I saw him first and I new straight away that there is something more in life and that’s love. Then his wife turned around and she introduced us and I got shy. Usually I don’t get shy anymore when I talk to people but him, oh my god I don’t know what it was but I just lost it I couldn’t talk or barley look at him because he was just so perfect. First I thought it was her brother, then a gay guy (sorry – too good of a dresser) then when she said he was her husband I chocked. No way, but it was. After that we said see you later and me and my friends went out and there was nothing more to it. (I thought). The days went by like usually and I worked and didn’t think about him that much but I started to dream about him, night after night and soon it started to become daydreams as well.
A few weeks went by and then one night I meet the two of them at the pub and we started to talk and I just fell for him more and more. We had a good time the three of us. But I felt even then that I wish that it was only the two of us. I felt ashamed and bad but you can’t decide and control your feelings. A couple of more weeks went by and I didn’t see him but then one night I went by the pub and I saw him on his own so I went in. I have been feeling depressed for a while and no one to talk too really because I don’t really wanted to talk to anyone about my real feelings. I went in and started to talk to him. He ordered me a drink and then he said – you’re lonely! Then he gave me a hug and it was one of the best hugs I ever gotten. And the best thing is that he really meant what he said through the hug. I know it sound strange but I knew he was sincere and true. I so wanted him then and it didn’t help after that hug – I just wanted him more. But how could I, he was married and older then me. Not that aged really matter but the married thing, AND I had no idea how he was feeling about me. I think I meet them once or twice after that and then he disappeared. Had no idea where he went until his wife told me that he went down to London to work and that they were having arguments and disagreements. She was miserable and really unhappy, how he was feeling I have no idea because I didn’t have his number and the wife didn’t tell me – except that he wanted to come back. It wasn’t an easy period, she was upset and I don’t like when my friends are upset. But at the same time I hade other things to think about, my own personal life and my hopes and dreams. I just hoped to find a proper guy who could take care of me and just let me be me and make me feel free and alive. I know that’s not easy and that there probably isn’t anyone like that out there, but if you don’t hope and dream you might not find anyone.
The more time went by the less I thought of him but I never stopped thinking of him, he was in my mind. Then out of nowhere the 1st of October I saw him at the pub so I just had to go in there and talk to him and as soon as I got in there I got a hug with love. Then he bought me tequila and he was really chocked after I just swallowed and took the lemon without making a face. Then he bought me a coke and we sat down in one of the sofas they have. Started to talk and the more we talked the more I wanted him. Then he said right out in the blue – I want to kiss you. I wanted to kiss him as well but I didn’t want to do that in the pub. So we took a little walk, didn’t get far before we started to kiss. We continued a bit further and then we stopped again next to the train station, kissing and hugging. Then we talked a bit. He was in a rush now because he was supposed to work at 6 o’clock. So we decided that he went up to his job and talked to them and I went home and left my things I had bought earlier. Then I went back to the pub and he was there. Talked and then we left, took the way down over the dam holding hands and kissing. It was so nice and it felt so good and natural. We had some wine and beer at another pub down by the river just relaxing and enjoying each other. He started to feel me up and it was so nice. I haven’t been with anyone like that for a long, long time. He just made me feel good and relaxed. We kissed more and then when we had no more to drink we left and we took a way through the woods and we ended up on the ground having sex. It was really good and I was so happy, so happy I laugh now and again which wasn’t that good for him, anyway he needed to go back to work at around 9ish. So we walked back to town and back to reality. Not that we wanted to but we had to.
After that night it took us a week before we saw each other again and that was a really hard week because I really tried to find him, and apparently he tried to find me. But I meet him at the pub (again). Talked and had a drink, then we took a taxi back to his place and hade some more sex, but it was more in a hurry this time because we didn’t really know when his wife was coming home. But after a more or less sad I see you later. We change phone numbers more or less as soon we came in through the door. That night I walked all the way back home and to co-op for food. After that night we meet a couple of more times.
But on the 13th of October I had book us a Bed & Breakfast, just so we could have some time and no rush or pressure. It was so good, heavenly and relaxed. The only thing that wasn’t that good was that I drank a whole bottle of red wine and later at night I throw up a bit, but he didn’t mind. (I haven’t had anything to eat really that day, just some toasty for breakfast and then some slices of chicken) He just asked if I was okay and then continued doing the things we were doing. I have to say I didn’t sleep that much that night and it wasn’t for the sex, I was just so happy to have him next to me, holding me. A constant touch which was so natural and wonderful, not even annoying and warm or anything like that, just plain happiness. I never wanted to leave the room even less the big bed! I was so perfectly happy and alive and free. He just makes me feel released from my inner prison. I asked him if he wanted to come back with me when I go home and he wanted to and after that night we have been planning and talking about it. We meet a couple of times after that.
The last time we had sex was the 22nd of October and it was in the forest (again), I hade decided that I like it outside (I think it was because it was with the right person). Then after that night he got a job in London again and the last time I saw him was on the 26th of October, the day before he left. Poor him, full of painful spots – been food poisoned. Feel so sorry for him. But still, that was the last time I saw him and the last time I spoke to him was the night between the 30th and the 31st at 2:44 in the morning because that was just after he finished work. We had been texting a lot sense we got each others numbers and even after he left we text, but the last text I got was a couple of days after he left and I haven heard anything from him. Nothing and his phone is completely off, it doesn’t even makes signals. Don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what I feel. He said he was coming back with me and that I could stay with him the night I’m down in London before I fly home, looks like I have to find another place to stay now. Feel so empty and hollow, he made me complete – I know it’s stupid to say so after just a short period of time but when you know – you know! Even the spirits know. I just wish I could talk to him again, just to know that he is okay and if he have broken off with me or what, because if he have then I would like to know that. Put me out off my misery. I was miserable before and now I’m back where I started, it’s not funny I truly hate it and I miss